The LAPD, the FBI and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it — including the rabbit — and make no apologies. “The rabbit had it coming.”
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling, “Okay, okay, I’m a rabbit, I’m a rabbit.”
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Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity to each other in 11th grade. When they graduated, they wanted both to go to the same college, but the girl was accepted to a college on the East Coast, and the guy went to a college on the West Coast.
They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend any time they could together. As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters.
Even when he e-mailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date other people. He didn't take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and e-mail trying to win back her love.
She soon became very annoyed with his persistence and now with a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back. So she took a polaroid picture of her having sex with her new boyfriend and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, "I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone."
Well needless to say, this guy was heartbroken, but even more so, he was angry. So he wrote on the back of the photo the following; "Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money! I'm getting pretty desperate!" and mailed the picture to her parents.
McGirk Posts: 2411
Phone Model: AX380 Wave
Service Provider: Alltel
Mon Mar 03, 2008 4:33 pm
THAT IS FUNNY!
IglooFarmer Posts: 522
Mon Mar 03, 2008 5:09 pm
i know, i love the rabbit one alot
McGirk Posts: 2411
Phone Model: AX380 Wave
Service Provider: Alltel
Wed Mar 05, 2008 11:22 am
A shy guy walks up to a beautiful lady, but before he can say anything she yells, "NO I WILL NOT SLEEP WITH YOU!". He hurriedly walks to a corner table. Later she comes up to him and says, "I'm sorry, I a psych student, and I'm doing a paper on reactions to embarassing situations." he then yells "WHAT DO YOU MEAN $200!"
IglooFarmer Posts: 522
Thu Mar 06, 2008 2:10 pm
lawl nice
Before exams in college, the teacher tells the students, "I expect to see all of you in class tomorrow; you know this exam is coming. The only exscuse I would accept is a serious illness, injury, or family maters."
A boy in the back says, "What if I am so unbelieveably tired from a hard night of rough, intense, -blam!- activities?!?!"
The entire class bursts out laughing. When the laughter quets down the teacher just smiles and says, "Well then, I guess you will just have to write with the other hand."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
This one guy was at a theater and he was sprawled out over 3 seats. The usher came by and told the guy to move. The guy mumbled but didn't answer. He went and got the manager. The manager said to the man, "Sir, if you don't move, I'll call the police to have you removed." The guy mumbled, but didn't answer.
So the manager called the police and a cop came over. The cop said to the man, "Hey mister. What's your name?" The man said,"Pete." The cop asked,"Where ya from, Pete?" He said, "The balcony."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Two guys meet up in a bar. The first one asks, "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead?!"
"Woah, what the hell happened to him?"
"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."
"What a horrible way to die!"
"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."
"What a way to go, that's terrible!"
"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."
"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"
"No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that. So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."
"Man, what a way to go!"
"No no, he survived that, he survived that! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him."
"Now that is one awful way to go!"
"No no, he survived that."
"Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?"
"I shot him!"
"You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?"
"He was wrecking my house."
McGirk Posts: 2411
Phone Model: AX380 Wave
Service Provider: Alltel
Fri Mar 07, 2008 12:02 pm
A leper comes into the bar, and before he sits down, looks at the guy he's about to sit next to and asks if it's okay. The guy was cool with it so the leper sat down and got a drink. He looked over to thank the guy and he sees the guy give him a disgusted look. The leper says, guy if you want, I'll move. But the guy says no, you're fine. The leper orders another drink and looks back and the guy has a terrible look on his face, the leper asks again if he should move. The guy assures him again that is okay. The leper orders one more drink and looks over, the guy appears as if he's about to blow chunks. That's it yells the leper, I'm moving. The guy says, you're not bothering me, it's the guy behind you dipping his chips in your neck.
IglooFarmer Posts: 522
Fri Mar 07, 2008 5:45 pm
You kinda have to sing this one.
Not last night but the night before,
26 robers came nocking at my door.
I went up stair to get a gun,
Fell in the toilet on the run.
Couldn't swim, couldn't float,
To many turds went down my throat.
When downstairs to get a drink,
Crushed my balls on the kitchen sink.
When outside to cool them off,
Dirty 'ol Bastard shot them off.
McGirk Posts: 2411
Phone Model: AX380 Wave
Service Provider: Alltel
Sat Mar 08, 2008 4:40 pm
I heard a slightly different version of that as a kid.
